Annual letter 2008

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Dear Friends and Family,

Last year I started the letter talking about the ability to, and understanding of, making a commitment. I decided I would try to set commitments for myself rather than goals that always seem to be too easily forgotten. And so began 2008.

It seemed a bit ironic to me that in the midst of a commitment, so much change was needed. I mean think about it. With commitment you think of remaining steadfast, not necessarily something I would relate with change. But there it is, in order to reach and maintain being steadfast in a commitment, there is an inevitable cause of change that takes place.

My first and main commitment was to learn how to slow down. The leading cause of anxiety in children this day and age is the “hurry” factor, and I was tired of always rushing Eliza and myself out of the house to go here and there.

On top of that, I started to do some math and realized that I only had 2 ½ years until she started kindergarten, after that she would be on to her own busy schedule. Time just goes by too fast. I had just this little window of time to show her that there was another way to live, a slower way. So I started praying that God provide me a miracle so that I could spend the next two years with Eliza, before she started school.

I spent the beginning part of the year dabbling in some self sales, and other stay at home opportunities, to no avail. In the meantime, I had moved Eliza to a Southside preschool, La Petite where her cousin Reid had gone. She was enjoying it, and learned a lot in her time there.

Then one Sunday changed everything. It was a combination of a couple of things that God used to move me to another commitment, one that would lend itself to the “slow it down” theme of the year. The morning of May 18th started with a communion brunch at my church home. It was the first one that we were doing, and that was exciting enough. In the midst of the brunch potluck, a friend, Eric, got up to talk about some things that God was doing in his life. In his talk he used an illustration of an Indiana Jones movie, where in order to get to the prize, he had to walk over a bridge that was not visible. He had to step out in faith BEFORE his path would be revealed. HMMM!?!?!

Later that day, I took my nephew Reid to see the Narnia movie, Prince Caspian. It moved me just as much as the first one, leaving me with two messages. First, that we need to keep our eyes and hearts on Christ, and second that the battle is not ours, and we will not be victorious without Christ, the real hero of our lives. By that evening, I was not sure what to think, but was ready and willing to listen.

It was not until the next morning that I would be given an answer. I was to quit my job in August and start an in home daycare. I was so excited, because I knew that God was answering my prayer, and going to make it possible for me to be with Eliza for a time before she went to school, but I was not all that thrilled with the means. Do not get me wrong, I LOVE kids. LOVE! LOVE! LOVE them! I was just skeptical of the consistency and other factors that come into play with running an in home daycare. Nevertheless, I got started at once preparing the way.

It wasn’t until late June, just before our annual trip to Minnesota, that I finally got excited. By that time I had taken, or was signed up for all of the courses I needed to take to become certified. I had also worked hard on readjusting my lifestyle and budget, getting rid of cable and some debt.

Eliza was able to move to an in home daycare close to my work for the summer. This allowed us to be able to take the bus. That was such a fun adventure, and we both enjoyed getting to spend the extra time together. Once the bus got us to West Des Moines we would walk a half mile to the home. Then my mother would pick me up on her way to work and take me the rest of the way.

Our trip to Minnesota was great, but too short as usual. On the way home Eliza stated how she wanted so badly to be able to stay up there longer, I told her I shared her feelings, as there is little I find more relaxing than a northern Minnesota summer. It was at this time, I remembered that the next UNI 2+2 cohort was starting in JAN 2009. This is a program where UNI and DMACC have come together to allow people who are place bound to get their teaching degree from UNI.

Later that week I went to the DMACC campus and found I was sitting in a great position to make it happen, and so I committed myself to going back to school full time. I felt that now that I was with Eliza all day, (or going to be once school started) a few nights and weekends were doable.

So then I came to the hard part, leaving a job that I loved. A job that had provided for me financially, and so much more. The people at INS are like family, and I quite literally had grown up with a lot of them. It made me feel so grown up to think that this was going to be the hard part, as I remember many times in my life quitting a job resembled an attitude more like the last day of school before a break. 

Once the notice was given, it was a crazy three weeks of training, which I was so thankful to be able to have a chance to do. I had spent a lot of my time as Supervisor making sure things were documented, but spent a great deal of the summer getting it all together and in good order for others. It was still hard to leave so many friends and mentors.

Alas, it was done, and I moved quickly into the new role of full time student, homemaker, mom and in home daycare provider. I was a bit surprised at the emotions that came with the first few weeks. As I recall, I felt over blessed, and not sure if I was worthy of having such a miracle happen in my life. I remember feeling the same way when I was pregnant with Eliza. I finally realized it was real, and was able to focus my eyes where they needed to be.

I am still trying to just take one day at a time, but I can still say that I feel overly blessed. Our lives have slowed down a great deal and now I am being lead to other things in my life that need some fixing. I hope to be able to give you some victorious news on that in my next annual letter.

A few other things worth mentioning would be first of all, the role that I was able to play in a VBS program. The program was based at Evelyn Davis Park on Forest. This is a park that is known for more criminal and other activities, but for one week I got to join with a group of people and tell and show these kids about Jesus. It was quite humbling and went too fast, but I got to meet some great kids, and other people, including my friend Mariah, who does an amazing job with these kids on a weekly basis. I am still hoping to do more work like this in the future, we will see what happens.

Eliza also got to start dance and tumbling at Amy Peel’s Dance Avenue. This is where her cousin Reid has been learning dance and tumbling for 8 years now. (WOW!) She started in the fall and loves that her Uncle Ed picks her up every week. It is a fun time for them together. Her other favorite things to do are spend the night with grandparents, which she does every Friday right now because mommy has school, and spend the night at the farm where my sister and her family moved to last year. Her crafts continue to amaze me as well as her love for playing dress-up. What a great imagination. She has also been blessed with constant friends in her life whom she loves to play with like Payton, Chivon, Sam, Reagan, and her newest friend from Chicago, Stone. There are many others that she has meet more recently, and some she hasn’t met yet.

It has been an amazing year, and so many of you have played a roll in that. I am very eager to see what else is in store as I follow the commitments that have been given to me. It reminds me of a verse I have focused on since becoming a mom, “"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength,” Isaiah 30:15

Have a blessed year! ~ The Fitch Girls ~ check us out on the web ~ http://thefitchgirls.blogspot.com/

Taste and see...

...that the lord is good." those are lyrics to a lovely song of worship. I hear this in my thoughts as i allow my mind to linger to the changes that are already visible in me and my daughter since the Lord began leading us down a different path.

Ironically, one of the largest changes that i have seen in eliza is her sense of taste. In the last month she has started to eat....

grapes
pineapple
spaghetti O's
broccoli
rice
real (not processed) chicken
add much less sugar....

I am so thankful that she is starting to have a more healthy menu, and i am hopeful that it will aid in hyperactivity. Time will tell.

the gentle side of me....

For those of you who know me well, i am sure there are times that i may have reminded you of Elaine from Seinfield. i am not what you would consider a gentle person. This is actually something that has been a huge struggle in my life.

It states in the word (1 Peter 3:4)that a gentle and quiet spirit, of a woman, is pleasing to the Lord. Well no matter how hard i try i can not seem to get that spirit going within me. I am quite simply not that woman, and for a long time (sometimes still struggle with the lingering thought) that this makes me less of a woman after God's heart. Less of a servant to him, less able to be able to serve for him.

Lately i have been talking with God and telling him, you made me this way, right? you know that I am not "a gentle and quiet spirit". No, i am more like a hawk than a hummingbird, and you know this. So why I am asked to be something that i am not? Do i just be me and hope that my life and personality can bring you glory in some way?

I do also know that he wants us to be transformed. (Romans 12) That we are to allow Christ to come through us, and Christ had a very gentle and quiet spirit. And yet, he was not the passive character that i have in mind when i think of who i have been longing to be in order to better please my Lord. So where is the harmony? Where do i need to sit down and shut up, and where do i need to use my gift (not being scared to look like a fool) to bring God glory? It is a tough call, and one that i will probably be in constant prayer about.

I can say this, slowing my life down has seemed to bring out a more gentle side of me. Before i had so many things going on all the time (still am pretty busy) and i was so easily distracted. i did not seem to be able to stay in the constant prayer that i needed to be in. Not that i can all the time now, but it is seeming to be more simple. And my mood seems to be more relaxed which equals a more gentle and more quiet spirit. It reminds me of what I was lead to four years ago. "This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength,...." Isaiah 30:15.

Settling in...

Ok, so by the end of last week I was a ball of nerves. I was just not sure what to do with myself. I did not know where to start. Well you know what Julie Andrews says..."Let's start at the very beginning...a very good place to start." So that is where I am.

I of course then was not sure of where the beginning was. To be honest, I know I am where God wants me to be. It is an amazing and humbling place to be though. I want to make sure that I take advantage of every moment that i have been given.

Last week I found myself paralyzed by fear. Fear that if i made one wrong mistake, i was going to fall flat on my face. like, ok you have made it to the big times now sister, make sure you are found worthy, or it is to Hates with you!

I know that is not the God that I serve though, I serve one who comes along side of me, and breathes his life into me. I know that i need him to pull this off, that truth is not changing. But I have been given the vision of what i need to do. i will not do it as perfectly as I am sure Mary Poppins would have, but by the grace of GOD this will prove to be life changing for me and eliza.

So, I have started where i always start...the closets. :) They are really clean now, infact the 95% of the main level of my house is finally settled. (After living here well over a year). My basement however....well that will be for Tomorrow and Wed...:)

AWWWW...i think i am going to like it here.....

I just love rainbows.....

Rainbows are so beautiful! They were of course first introduced in my life as God's promise, found in the story of Noah. They have since taken on different meaning to many others, but they still have this sacred meaning to me, in my life. I can recall times when i was destraught, and unsure of myself and everything in my life, and no joke, i would look and there i would see rainbows. OK sometimes just Sun Dawgs i think they are called, but a reminder to me none the less of God's promise to me. This is why I love prisms, and opals. They reflect and hold within them that rainbow. Constant reminders of how faithful HE is......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHFK94QH5sU

Little Girls.....

Eliza and her best friend Peyton, doing what little girls do best!

got soy milk?

Today I woke up and did not know what to do with myself. i found myself spinning in circles. So, I went to the mall. Of course now that i am on a very limited budget it was mostly just looking around and then talking myself out of making the purchase.

I did however find my newest pair of favorite lounge pants, black with lace trim, and eliza found a "little miss sunshine" mouse pad to use for her computer down stairs. I then got some reading done as she got to run crazy in the play area. Of course then the sun came out and I was not sure why we were inside???

Regardless, we then proceeded to go to a clothing store where I once again talked myself out of any and all purchases. Leaving the mall we stopped by Aldi's. I am not sure how many of you have an Aldi's where you live, but they are grocery stores where you can get foods at a lower cost. Most of the time. It used to be a lot of not good for you food, but now they have a line called Fit & Active that they sell. The selection is better than I thought it would be. I ended up getting some soy milk, regular and vanilla flavored. I did not know that soy milk was also gluten free? this is one thing that I am learning is good to limit in yoru diet.

Then in the store Eliza stopped me to tell me that she was so happy to be able to spend the days with me now. She told me that she always missed me so much when she was away from me all day. What a sweet thing to tell me.

So in my aimless wondering, I was giving confirmation of the choice made to stay home, and was lead to a healther selection for my daughter and I. This one moment at a time, following God thing is a bit mentally draining, but pretty cool. Now we will see what we think of the milk..... :)

Stepping out...the decision

Most of you know that i recently quite my very good corporate job to stay at home with my daughter, and go back to school full time to become a teacher. But most of you do not know, just how amazing of a journey it has been for me.

The decision has actually took sometime to come around. I will start at the beginning. It actually goes back to before I was pregnant. I was in Bayard, IA and not in a great place in my life. I knew I wanted to go back to school, but knew that I had some healing to do as well. I did go up to the Carroll DMACC campus and dreamed a bit though, and that is when I first found out about the UNI 2+2 program. At that time the Carroll campus was the only campus that offered it. Well like I said, I knew it was not the time and a few months later, I was pregnant, and had no idea what I was going to do.

I moved back to Des Moines with family and started working at a local restaurant right away, knowing that I was going to need some money to raise my child. Then when I was 6 months pregnant I got the job at INS. It was a good job and I was able to provide for my daughter, so I stayed. I loved it there, and I still do. I was also pretty good at what I did and learned SOOOO much about telephony in the last four years. I still say if I was going to go corporate, that is where I would want to be. But none the less this was not my hearts desire. To be honest, I had forgotten over the last few years what that dream was.

So now we will fast forward to a year ago. I could not resist any longer, I knew I needed to be back at school. So I enrolled at DMACC for one course, Creative Writing. It was GREAT! BUT, I could not stand being away from Eliza even one night a week. I just was too much after being away from her all day every day. This was also the time that a sisterfriend of mine was telling me about the UNI 2+2 that was now being offered in the Des Moines area. I guess that ever other year in Jan they start. Odd years only. So it was JAN09 that the next cohort would start. Well, knowing that I could not be away from Eliza anymore I dismissed it.

Last December I would say was when my thoughts were rocked and I was forced to question and reevaluate my life. I realize that although INS was a great job, it was not my life. God is my provider not them, and he can provide for me in other ways. So I started praying for him to show me a way. A way to stay at home with my daughter and be the mom he called me to be, before a career woman. We wrestled all the rest of the winter, right on into spring about different ways that I could supplement income to be able to stay at home with Eliza.

Then one Sunday, a Christian brother of mine was giving a testimony. He talked about stepping out in faith before we see the road clearly. Then I went that afternoon to see Narnia, where I was reminded to keep my eyes on Jesus. He is always there, and it is his battle to fight, not mine. Talk about a powerful Sunday. I felt the spirit all around me and I could not silence it (like who would want to right). The next morning I awoke VERY early and it was confirmed that I would quit my job in August and do in home daycare. (which was not my first choice)

I was sure that this was the most stupid thing I had ever done. (that could be easily argued) But as it was said that Sunday, I needed to step out before the bridge would appear. So in June I took classes and studied up on how to be a registered in home provider. I do not think I got excited about it until late in June. Still was not sure this is what I should be doing.

School did not actually enter the picture until after the fourth of July. That is when I was reminded of my dream, and reminded there was the program starting in 2009. J God is so good. Just as he promised, once I stepped out in faith, he revealed himself to me. Love that Lord I serve!

wow, who said that????

The restoration of eliza and myself has begun. it is already amazing to see what happens when you turn things over to God. Sometimes, he moves slow and we are asked to perservere. other times, we are remolded and reshaped the moment we let go.

For me there are deep hurts, and false ideas that i have of god that he is wanting me to relearn. It is hard to do this for a few reasons....

1. sometimes you do not even know that you are thinking the wrong thing. i mean if you are to ask me if i think is God a loving and merciful god, I would say...YES with out a doubt. HANDS DOWN!!! but do my actions and the random thoughts (that I am called to take captive) show that this is what I think, or are they revealing something else all together?

2. once you realize that you do not think the truth, but rather you have taken the false thought captive and made it true according to what you have learned in Christ, how do you then make that your first thought. Well, i do not know? how is that for prophetic!

I do know this, right now, God and i are having some deep talks. I am crying a lot and I am yelling a lot. I am defending myself about things that I have not thought about in years. I am screaming about things, that i am still not sure i should be yelling at god for. but he tells me he wants to clean me out, so i suppose he knew what he was going to get. right?!?!?

In the end, i am finding that he is a merciful god. This is the truth that i thought i knew...but i am not so sure that i did. i always seem to be waiting and looking over my shoulder for the ball to drop.

I think back to when as a youth i stopped believeing that God even existed. I remember thinking of the only two christians I really knew intimately. My grandpa, who died when i was 9 and my mom, who always had to deal with so much crap. I guess when i took role call and made a judgement at the ripe old age of 12, i did not see a merciful god. I saw that when you loved god, you died, or cried. Who would blame me for not wanting that?

well there it is, my truth, out there for everyone to read, but now what do i do with that? how do i stop thinking these wrong thoughts? I suppose I will have to stop, look and listen, and allow my merciful god to show me.....

Hooplah!!!

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I think that it has so much of the joy and good will of Christmas with out all the hooplah. Yet, there is a part of me who is very intrigued with the hooplah. So over the years, i have come to enjoy the entire season, from about November 20th all the way through the New Year. The songs, the smells, the people that I am surrounded with. All the hooplah.

One thing that has been a very large protest of mine would be Santa. Poor old man, he did nothing really to earn number one on "Catherine's Most Dislike Figures" list. He is just so friggin jolly, and what for. Does he know that he is stealing all the limelight from my most favorite figure ever? Not sure? But the fact is that he is, and this has bothered me so much over the years, that I have banned gettign to know anything about him. I refused though the years to even watch the Season's claymation special of "Here Come's Santa Claus" I think that is the title of it? This movie is a fun loving story of how Chris Cringle came to be.

Well this last year, I broke down and watched it, and it was not bad. I mean it is just another Christmas movie. And he is just a man. It is not like he is my Lord. Now his story is really amazing. :) Back to my subject though, there is a song on there that has actually been very helpful to me. It is called "Put one foot in front of the other" (sorry to put that in your head if you know it) I love this song, and even the beat will help me to do just what it suggests, put one foot in front of the other.

That is where I am right now. It is odd trying to get used to being home. I am having to jus tput one foot in front of the other. It is fun though, just being able to keep my eyes on my Lord. I know I am called to do that all the time, but it is harder to do when you have a laundry list due everyday, and many people asking for it, all at once. I am amazed at people who are able to illuminate Christ at the work place on a daily basis. it is my fear that I failed in many ways.

Regardless, I am here now. Ready to lean on my Lord and grow in his love. And if I have to use a song sung by Chris Cringle to remind me, so be it. :)

what to do? where to begin?

It is sunday. Usually on Sunday we come home church, have some quiet time and get ready to be gone from home for the majority of the next five days.

Well....I will be home tomorrow, and the next day. I keep looking around at all the things that i could do, and i have no idea where to begin? How do I prioritize? What should be the main focus.

Thank goodness I have a couple of weeks to figure this out. I am felling a bit overwhelmed right now. Who would have thought staying home would be so mind blowing?

"Psalms 49:10"

Testing...Testing...1,2,3....

Today we tested out what it was going to be like for Eliza and I getting to hang out together all day. We started with mommy cleaning up the kitchen, eating breakfast together and then both of us washing up and brushing our teeth.
Eliza then played dress up while mommy put away clean laundry from the night before.
Then we had to go to the bank. On the way home we moozied over to Gray's lake were we took an hour and a half walk/bike ride around the lake. Eliza did so much better than I thought she would, she made it nearly all the way around the 2 mile trail pedalling her little legs off. it wasn't until we were close tot eh end, and she was scared at not being able to stop going down a small hill. Yeah, she was doen after that. mommy was proud (and releaved) that she made it as far as she did. Left me with only a quarter of a mile to carry the bike. :)
We then follwed it with a lite lunch and home where Eliza had soem quiet time while mom finished her paper that is due this evening.
HMMMM.. I think I might like this new life. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.....

just the way you are....

Aw parenthood. It can be such an interesting thing.

This morning as my daughter and i were waiting downtown for our transfer out to suburbia where i work, she points and says, "Mom theres your friend."
"Who, that guy there? i don't know him." I reply
"Well he has a big belly and a big butt?!?!" she plees
"So that means we are friends?" me
" Well yeah." her
"Why? Because I have a big belly and a big butt too?" me
" Well yeah." her
"My dear, that does not mean that we are friends. And although what you are saying is true, it is hurtful and you should not say that to people." me
"oh. ok." her
"Maybe mommy should think about loosing her big belly and big butt." me
"NO, i like it." she says with sincerity.

I could not help but laugh. Only children (and God) can see you just how you are, and love you unconditionally all the same. God bless em.....

Water....

Has anyone else been dealing with water in their basement. from what i have heard iam not alone. it is actually coming right through my wall in my basement. the ground has just had too much.

luckily i had spent the last year, mainly the last month or so trying to get as much of my stuff gone through and either put in plastic tubs, or taking away, so i did not have much ruined, or that had to be removed. just the water....again....and again...and again.....etc.

hope all of you are doing ok.....

Monday night....

WOW, what a day. work is going.... i surely can not complain, i do atleast like what i do. i think i am just the type to get into a rut easily. i am becoming more like those people who can set their furniture in one placement and leave it that way for more than a year, but have not always been that way.
it's funny. there are those people in my life who think they "know" me. i find that interesting, since i am constantly shocking myself. it actually seems like there are new parts of me that are revealed atleast weekly. some of these are in bold contrast to what i know myself to be, but i suppose this is natural progression in a transformation.
still there are those parts of me that have remained from the day of birth. hmm, wonder if he will strip these things from me too, recreate, remold....
or are somethings us from beginning to end?
The babe is in her room singing along to the Celtic Psalms that are playing on the system. Lovely....

I hear ya...

so there are those moments in our life when it feels as though God is whispering. we are searching for an answer to a question and it seems that there is no answer in sight. well yesterday was not one of those days for me.

it was more of a "if you build it, they will come" kind of day . the thing with those kinds of days is that:
1. what are you supposed to build, and why?
2. how are you suppsed to build it, and why?
3. what will happen once it is built....and why? :)

i suppose this is where you have to put faith into action, and just build it.

a peaceful walk....

so i am sitting here at my computer, enjoying this lovely spring evening, and it is interupted by the sounds of sirens coming closer and closer. Finally, now sounding like they are right out side of my home, the sirens come to an abrupt stop. i look around and see nothing. no action at all.
this sort of thing seems to be very common in this neighborhood. honestly the block itself is very quiet, serene and rather 'leave it to beaver" like. But we are only one block away from a main road, that connects to a highway. So chaos is just around the corner.
it kind of reminds me of what walking with Christ is like in a way. inside myself i feel safe, secure, serene, but when i look and listen around me, the world is not really like that at all. it is chaos. thank the Lord for his peace.

vertigo....

it has started again. the light headed, almost passing out. the doctor says that it is a case of vertigo that is brought on by an infection in the lower ear that is probably being caused by allergies.
last year was the first time in my life that allergies ever presented themselves as a problem, so i am not sure how to deal with them. i am very sensitive to medicines also, so it is hard to find something that releaves my symptoms without bringing about other ailments.
i am not sure how i feel about this whole allergies thing....

a garden....

i am actually quite a big fan of gray days. to me they are so soothing. But this year, for some reason this nice weather is just getting me. i try my best to get out in it as much as possible. now to assist in these efforts, I have decided to plant a garden. Just some landscaping. I have ordered some hydrangeas, hostas, viola rebecca's and some lavendar. we will have to wait and see how i do with these before i invest anymore.

go jenni....

this morning i was invited to attend a women's tea (yes, I went to a women's tea???), but i went because a girl name jenni was graduating from the Hope family ministries single mom's program. A year and a half ago i was lucky enough to be a part of decorating her room. It was really exciting to me because at the time i was a young mom, on my own, (still am)and if it wasn't for me having a great family, i knew that i would have probably been in a similar situation. i feel that it is important to have a place all to yourself to run and escape to. A place of comfort. Well today she told my mother and i that her room was her sanctuary. And then i got to hear her tell of her story. i had never heard it before. It was great. I pray that she will continue to look to the Lord for guidance. It is the clearest thing i have found....

kids these days....

i am sitting here telling my three old daughter why she does not need a usb flash drive. crazy right. i think what is even more crazy is that she has some idea of what i am talking about....