the fitch girls....

Let's Try This Again

2011-11-27T21:58:00.000-06:00

Boy, it looks like it has been over a year since I have post anything. It has been a very busy and crazy year. I will not attempt to go back and put it all into words. I will just make sure to post last years annual letter, this years annual letter, and ten just pick up from here. I have a lot going on in my mind, and figure I might as well put it out here.

I Miss Her

2010-10-19T12:25:00.000-05:00

July 9th, early in the morning, my grandmother took her last breath. My uncle Steve, who had been staying with her, was able to be there with her. Many people felt relief, as she had been suffering from enphazyma for some time, but the truth is I wanted more time.

Eliza and I were lucky enough to be there the evening before, and although my grandmother could not talk very well, or open her eyes, her face lite up when she heard Eliza come in the room. It meant a lot to me that they had such a close relationship.

With the passing of my grandmother, Eliza's migranes that had started the month before, went away. It was the anxiety of losing her that was causing the headaches. And although th headaches have not been back since, there has been a lot of tears from the both of us.

She was a great lady, and I hope to be a grand-daughter that brings her honor.

Barbara Joan Freed Rusk

11.29.1930 - 07.09.2010

Proverbs 31

June 2010

2010-10-19T11:12:00.002-05:00

June is recital month for our family. This year, it was extra special for a few reasons. First, the owner of the studio that Eliza dances for, was moving. Many people thought that the studio would be closing, but we were all pleasantly surprised when it was announced that another family member would be taking it over. Although we will all miss Amy and her family I am personally very excited for them, and excited to see what the changes will consist of.

Even more sad to me, was that it was going to be my nephew Reid's last year of dance. He had danced for the studio for 10 years, or which I was there for them all. He is getting older however, and wanting to try new things, and dance did not allow him time to do so. It is still hard to not have him a part of the studio, but I do enjoy going to the games. He is in Football, Basketball and Baseball. That is a lot of yelling.

Eliza did great in the recital and was able to be in the finale this year, as she is now a part of the team. She did so good!!! I cannot believe she learned the dance in only a few practices. Dawn and I both did the mommy dance again, and that was kind of weird to think that it would be the last time we would be doing that together as well. Another thing we were having to get ready to let go of was my Grandma Rusk. She was the last of our living grandparents, and probably the one that I was closest with. As the month continued it became more and more obvious that she was in her final days. We were over there a lot that month.

As the month finished off we made our annual trip to Minnesota. It was gorgeous weather of course, and so refreshing. While we were there, Eliza decided to experiment with the idea of being a hair stylist. She ended up with a new hair cut and pink hair!!! According to my dad, I need to "let the child express herself". I think my dad was shocked at the amount of expression I allowed when he saw the magenta hair! (LOL) Although he should know by now I have a tendency to be all or nothing about things.

May 2010

2010-10-19T11:01:00.000-05:00

This month flew by! I had a class, Middle Level Instructional Strategies, that was only three weeks long. And yes, we were expected to do all of the work for a 16 week course in the three week time frame. Interesting enough, I learned more from this class than some of the longer ones. Of course I lost a lot of sleep as I was up until 3AM most nights, just trying to get all of my homework done.

For this class I chose to focus on my other area of concentration, Science. I created a mini unit on Environmental Science. Each lesson consisted of a PowerPoint and included the required instructional strategy that we were learning at the time. I feel like a nerd sometimes when I think of how much I enjoy this stuff!!! :)

April 2010

2010-10-19T10:53:00.001-05:00

Eliza had her last competition in the month of April. It was in Omaha again, and needless to say, we stayed in a different hotel. Reid and Grandma Nancy came with us again, so that we could spend all of Sunday at the Omaha Zoo, before heading back home. It was a fun day, and we loved looking at all the different animals. The gorillas have always been a favorite of mine, but there was a peacock there who gave us his little dance. he managed to leave quite the impression on all of us.

April I spent a lot of time wrapping up the end of the semester of school. Most of my time was spent on a UNI class, Middle Level Curriculum, where I was required to do more field experience in the classroom. I was fortunate to be able to work with sixth graders at Norwalk Middle School. It was a Social Studies class, and I was able spend a few days teaching a lesson on Iowa History. IT WAS SO MUCH FUN!!! I cannot wait to get my own classroom!!

March 2010

2010-10-19T10:37:00.001-05:00

The month of March is always a good one. The ground, and all of us who live on it, begin to defrost. There is green and new signs of life all around us.

I spent most of the month working on school work. I was able to take two classes that have to deal with my favorite subject, Social Studies. The first was a class on Geography. Many may think that this is a boring, this is here and that is there type of class. This is not all that there is to Geography, though my love of maps does lead for this part to intrigue me. There are also all of the cultural and economic realities involved.

This was helpful as I worked on another class, American Government. I have taken this class before. I took it during 9/11, and the professor had a nervous breakdown. Being that I am more of an audio learner, and all he did was rant and rave, I did not get an acceptable grade in the class. This time when I took it, I learned A LOT!! It was a fun class that actually taught me many things that I had been having problems learning prior.

Eliza had yet another competition. This one was in Davenport. We ere able to stay at the house of family and traveled with Eliza's teammate Heidi and her mom Cynthia. They have become good friends and made the trip that much more fun!!!

February 2010

2010-10-19T10:05:00.001-05:00

This month was COLD!!!!! For some reason I never have a very god attitude this month. It is almost as if I have endured all that I can endure, and am just done with the cold and the snow. If any of you remember this last February, you would remember that the cold and snow was not really done with us. Nothing much else happened that much....just hibernating with my little princess.

Eliza's month consisted her first dance competition. It was a rather small one, which was a good way to start. She amazes me how she can get on that stage and dance in front of hundreds of people. I am not sure I would have had that amount of courage at her age.

For her second competition we were in Omaha. Dawn, Reid and of course grandma Nancy went with us. it was fun to get away for the weekend. Unfortunately the night we left, there was a little girl who lost her life in the pool of the hotel we were staying at. It really hurt all of those who were involved and left quit the sting in my own heart. I am still not sure how such a thing can happen, and it the images still haunt me today. It may be closer to my heart since the girl was so close to my own daughter's age. What a waste.

Here is a link to some of that story. http://www.ketv.com/news/24456265/detail.html

What month is it???

2010-09-21T09:25:00.000-05:00

My apologies, I cannot believe the last time I posted anything was in January. I am not sure where the year has gone. But, I do know that, after being inspired by a friend, I have decided to begin posting again. Reasons being:

1. a place to share my random thoughts.
2. a place to post updates ( I am no longer on Facebook)
3. Hoping some of you will enjoy the posts.

I will start by trying to sum up the last eight months, one at a time. This may help you know why I am where I am at now.

Hope you are all well. Be blessed!

Angel Cloud Cakes - GF

2010-01-08T09:12:00.000-06:00

1 package GF Angel food cake mike
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp almond extract
1/4 C confetti sprinkle (Dye and GF)
1 thing of Vanilla GF frosting
Coconut
.......................................................

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

Make cake mix according to package directions, adding vanilla and almond extract.

Mix on low speed for 1 minute, then mix on Medium speed for 1 more minute.

Fold in sprinkles.

Line cupcake pans with cupcake liners. Spoon batter into each cup, filling 3/4 full. Bake for 25 minutes, or until tops are dark golden brown.

Remove from oven and let cool in pan for 5 minutes. Remove from pan and let cool 1 hour before frosting. Once frosted you can sprinkle on the coconut.

..........................................................................................................

*** You will notice some of the ingredients are in italics. This is where we used substitutes to make them better for us.

NOTE: This recipe still has white sugar, and i used a prepackaged Angel Food cake mix rather than doing the from scratch version. The only part that took much time was the whipping of the egg whites. I also think I might try to figure out a better version on the "whipped cream" frosting that the recipe asked for, this may give it a different and more fluffy flavor. But all in all, they were enjoyed by our entire family.

Beery, Barbara. (2006) Pink Princess Cookbook. p.4. Layton, Utah. Gibbs Smith, Publisher

Cooking for the Princess

2010-01-07T20:27:00.000-06:00

As many of you know, last April the doctors were ready to put Eliza on Zantac, which is a medicine for the tummy. In an effort to avoid this, i started trying to cook more low processed foods, with a strong emphasis on cutting out the dye. A lot of organic and homemade things started being made at the Fitch residence.

In shopping in the organic section, you will see many things that are labeled Gluten free. After some research i have concluded that although it is not mandatory for us to go strictly Gluten Free, the GF diet is a healthy one, and I would try to begin to incorporate it into our lives more.

The recipe that we are making comes from Pink Princess Cookbook by Barbara Berry. Eliza got it for a present. I think it was purchased from LTD. Most of the recipes are filled with pink/red dye, which is something that my family has to stay aware from.

Two other factors that lead to our new adventure were her Friday morning cooking classes and the movie Julie and Julia. The class was a cooking class that was offered at the Y every Friday morning. It is a fun class, but seemed to mess up our schedule, as well as most of the food was highly processed. I knew it would break her heart to not do it anymore, and i had recently watched the movie Julie and Julia, so i came up with the idea of her and i cooking our way through her cookbook, only trying to change the recipes to be more healthy. so that is what we did.

I will try to get an update on the cupcakes we made the other day still tonight.

2009 Annual Letter

2010-01-05T13:34:00.000-06:00

Dear friends and family,

I find myself at a crossroad. There is a part of me that seems to be too willing to walk away from things in my life. Ideals and beliefs that a few months ago, I stood for unwavering. What is it that makes us question all that we are and all that we have. I do not think that it is a bad thing. The healthiest of times in my life involved moments of self evaluative inventory. It is at these times, we are forced to choose once again, what we will choose to believe and how we will apply that to the way we live our lives.

The year started out with me doing the full-time daycare, full-time student and full-time mom routine. What a blessing it has been to be at home with Eliza. The changes I have seen in the both of us have been monumental, yet somehow so subtle. As the year progressed, I came to the realization that I was being stretched too thin. The schooling I am required to do, in becoming a teacher, involves field experience. This is a set number of hours each semester that I work with children in the school setting. This created a constant conflict with my schedule. So in May, after many months of prayer, I decided to give my two months notice for doing in home daycare. I was not sure how I was going to make ends meet, but I knew it was the right chose for everyone involved. It was hard to let the baby boy I was watching go, but since he lives across the street, we knew we would get to see him again. Before I closed I was also able to watch my friend Kariann’s new born baby girl for a month, our newest girlfriend…Miss Eva Danielle Mikesell.

July marked the end of the in home daycare, and the beginning of something new. My dad and his long time fiancée Theresa were married in their gorgeous back yard on July 3rd. It was a great time, and I could not have been happier for the two of them. It was clear they were very much in love and the best of friends. All of my Fitch siblings were there, which made for a very packed house, camper and garage, but it is always fun being together. My baby brothers Chris and Brad are now both married. Brad was married last year to Aunt Amanda, and this year Eliza got another great lady to be her aunt…Kelly. They are both good for my brothers, and I wish them only the best.

In July I also started a class at the gym called “Bootcamp”. It was an hour and a half every morning for a month. I had started going to the gym back in April, and knew that I needed something to give me the extra boost. I also needed to learn my way around the gym again, and “Bootcamp” was able to offer me that too.

Back in April I had also decided to drastically change the menu at the Fitch residence. The problem was that Eliza was spending four of the seven days of the week on the sofa holding her belly in pain. The doctors were ready to put her on Zantac. Knowing this is a lifelong medicine, I wanted to try something else first. My friend Emily and I had talked before about the thoughtful diet that she and her family do.

Basically what we try to do is eat very low processed organic homemade food. The other key, that works for us is to make a weekly menu and stick to it. With us we do breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner. That is it. Eliza’s stomach pains went away immediately. Within the first two months I lost 20 lbs. Then once I began the “Bootcamp” I lost another 15. Unfortunately that is still where I am at. I found it very easy to allow myself to slowly move away from our new way of eating. From changing schedules, vacations, physical injuries that keep me from the gym; there are just so many reasons to eat without thought, and not get to the gym. I am not giving up though, and pray to make this our new way of life once and for all.

Eliza has had a great year. After watching many hours of dance competitions (where Reid competes) she had developed more of a passion for dance. In June was her first recital, and in August she was able to perform at the fair. She was too cute up on that stage, and did a lot better than I thought she would, being barely five. This year, Eliza was asked to be on the new Pearl Team at APDA. This means she will get to learn a routine and perform it with her team at the competitions. She is very excited, and has so much fun doing it.

September started a round of new lessons for her at home also. Rather than put her in Kindergarten the day after she turned five, I decided to wait another year. At home we learn all kinds of things, including the weather, colors, shapes, writing and the letters of the alphabet. It is awesome when people ask her where she learned something from and she says, “My mom taught me that.”

As for me, this fall has been filled with questions. Please do not misunderstand. I know who I am, and what my goals are more than ever in my life. Having this foundation however, is allowing me to finally test some of my other theories and practices. This last year, I have been OVERLY blessed. God has not withheld anything from me, but rather supplied for the needs and wants of Eliza and I generously. I felt a bit ungrateful when I found myself lacking contentment in this time of abundance.

I am grateful. Awesomely grateful, and I think that is why I want to make sure that I do not receive these blessings in vain. I do not want to just sit back and lived a blessed life. I mean, is that why Jesus died and then rose again? So that I can sit in my comfy middle class lifestyle and be blessed? Maybe? I don’t know, but I want to ask. I want to know why I believe what I believe. I want to know why I do what I do, and is what I do pleasing to the Lord who gave me life? Am I living a life worthy of all that he did? I know I am not perfect, and none of us ever will be, but I have a feeling I can do better than what I have been doing. So there you have it, a crossroad. Do I continue living the way we think Christianity is supposed to look, or is there something else down that other narrow path?

"Now fear the LORD and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your forefathers worshiped beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." - Joshua 24:14-15

ABC Christmas Countdown

2009-11-12T22:25:00.000-06:00

To make the ABC Christmas Countdown more easily accessible I have placed it on a Google site that I am currently in the processes of creating. Please disregard the rest of the site as it is a work in progress. Check it out here.

If you scroll to the bottom of the page you will see there are two attachments. One is for the lesson plan and one is for the daily ABC cards.

Hope you all have fun and learn lots about Jesus!

Menu Ideas

2009-10-30T12:57:00.000-05:00

Here are a few fast and easy things that the Fitch girls eat on a regular basis. Most of it is done with organic foods. The cheese we eat is also health market cheese that has probiotics in it. Other ideas to come soon...

Roasted Chicken, with potatoes and carrots:

It does take 1.5 hours to cook, but you just throw it all in a pan (cut up the potatoes and use baby carrots) with a stick of butter and season the bird. Then every 30 minutes just bast it. The prep time is so easy, that i use this meal when i am at home, but busy. (pick all the leftover meat off and FREEZE THE BONES when you are done)

With the left over meat you can make one of the next two dishes.

Chicken Casserole:

Leftover chicken (or six breasts fully cooked and diced)
1 can cream of chicken soup
1 8oz sour cream

mix these three things together. Spread crushed up Ritx crackers over the top and cook at 350 for 30 minutes. Delicious

Chicken Broccoli and Cheesy Rice:

Left over Chicken (or how ever much you want to add)

Buy and prepare a packet of cheesy broccoli rice. while that is cooking...

In a skillet, cut up and put Broccoli in, with a little bit of water in the bottom, cover it, and cook until it is bright green.

Add in the chicken and cover it again.

Within 10 minutes that rice will be done as well as the chicken and broccoli. Put it all together in a big bowl and put it on the table.

Salmon:

This is so easy to cook. You can buy 1.50 frozen wild caught salmon at HyVee. it is PINK so my daughter will eat it.

Just throw it in the skillet (a little olive oil in the bottom) and salt and cover it. Let it sit for five minutes while you...

Prepare green salad and apples. Sometimes some cheese sliced too.

Flip the fish after 5 minutes. Salt and cover.

Finish getting the table set.

Pull the fish off and you have a full meal in 15 minutes. Prep and all.

Veggie Pasta Soup:

This will take a day to prepare, but then you can freeze and pull it out later. it is a family favorite here.

To make broth: bring to a boil two saved chicken carcasses then let them simmer for 6-8 hours

Then drain the bones and you should have over a gallon over broth left (super healthy).

Add to it: One box of bow tie noodles, 1 can peas, 1 can carrots, 1 can corn and one can garbanzo beans

Serve with grapes, hard boiled eggs and cheese cubes.

it tastes just like chicken n noodles that you put over potatoes, but it is really healthy and low in calories.

Pearl Team

2009-10-29T16:19:00.000-05:00

Eliza has been asked to join the new Pearl Team at Amy Peel Dance Avenue where she dances. This is a competition team.

The parents were told that our child was asked because they showed great improvement in:

1. The ability and desire to dance.
2. Listening to teachers.
3. Treating their friends kindly.

I like how they stated "showed improvement". :) I just love my daughter, and I have to say, she did work for this. I hope her passion only continues to grow, and all three of these things continue to increase in her life.

Leaps and Bounds....

2009-10-27T16:52:00.000-05:00

Am i the only one who has a child who will out of nowhere just start getting things? Eliza has been doing this over the last few months. She went from not being able to know her letters in a snap, to knowing about 8 of them. She is also learning what sound the letters make, and was able to tell me more than one of them the other day.

Math has always been a strong suit for her, but she is learning more and more the concepts that are used in figuring out addition and subtraction.

One place she could still improve are her social skills. This was the main reason that i wanted to wait and send her to Kindergarten just after her sixth birthday. With all of the things that she has been learning so well, i was starting to question my decision. Until i see the captain of the mean girls show up.

Oh yeah, it is that bad. If you have seen the movie "Mean Girls" with Lindsay Lohan, you know what I am talking about. Unfortunately, this character is one that i see reflected in Eliza sometimes.

But i think she is getting it. Twice she has chose to apologize to the person without being asked to. And once, she even prayed for forgiveness for treating someone so badly.

Having a child who is having their feelings hurt is no fun. Eliza has been on the receiving end more than once. But I think it is even worse when your child is the one doing the hurting. Praise God that she is learning that this is not how we are suppose to treat each other.

Marlboro Ultra Lights

2009-10-26T14:36:00.000-05:00

As i was cleaning out above my refrigerator today, I found an almost full pack of cigarettes. I opened the lid to smell them, thinking it might be nice. On the contrary, they smelled awful!!! And not just a stale smell, it was a normal cigarette smell. All i could think was, OH PRAISE GOD!!!!!

After 50+ attempts at quitting, and wanting to quit for about eight years, i was finally fully released from this addiction. There have been times over the last year plus, that i thought, "Hmm, i think i want a cigarette", but it is always followed by the reminder of these things:

1. They were making me sick, literally.
2. I can run now, when i couldn't before.
3. It is one less thing for me to worry about.
4. I think it stinks now, and considering I always carried a body spray with me, I think I always did.
5. Lord willing, I quit soon enough to allow myself more years with my daughter and other loved one.

What a nice reminder this was for me today. Just when I start getting hard on myself about my lack of discipline, I am given a visual of just how much the Lord has been healing me from the inside out.

Back sliding....

2009-10-24T21:05:00.000-05:00

These last couple of months have been a struggle. To be honest it all started the first day of the fair. I kind of allowed myself to let up on the diet. To make matters worse, the next day I went on vacation. The next week, then I get back and the gym has no classes, just the fitness center. This got my completely off the routine that I had created.

September began and I was doing pretty good with making it to the gym. However with school and a whole new schedule starting, I started to slack off on the food. Then in October, my schedule took a fierce shift. It has not been good. I am finding it hard to make it to the gym, and the diet is so far off....i have kraft singles in my fridge!?!??! WHAT THE?????

To add to the rut I have found my way in to, I now have an injured wrist and knee. This will limit my work outs to the treadmill and swimming pool. I think that this might be happening so that I get my focus back on eating the right foods, in the right amount.

I am writing all this, not to complain, or as an excuse, but rather I hope to look back on it very soon as a reflection of how was in a rut, and through the grace of God, got out of it quickly!!!

Here's hoping!

Timothy Lovers Fitch

2009-10-16T12:00:00.001-05:00

Check out the newest member of our family!

Apparently, on Wednesday of this week, this cat was found by my neighborhood mail man. He put the cat in his truck and was going to take it to the shelter. He then stopped at the Barber Shop in my neighborhood (this is a local hang out for the fellas) and the cat jumped out of the truck and walked right into the Barber Shop.

The men were enjoying him, but the wife of the owner said the cat had to go, as they had just taken in another one last week. So they called my friend Tammy (her dad is a regular up there) since they know how much she loves animals.

Tammy already has a few cats, and so she called me to see if I wanted him. I said no at first, as I had visions of being bit. Then I said, ok bring him over and we will see. Well the cat came right to me! I looked at him and said "Ah, Timothy." And that is how he got the name. We brought him right in, and he was at home instantly!

My friend thought his name should be Lovers, because he really is just that sweet. So his full name is Timothy Lovers Fitch. It is a great addition to our family, and I am sure the wrath of Gracie will pass soon. I hope. :)

She Has a Plan!

2009-08-31T23:59:00.000-05:00

Oh heavens-ta-betsy, five is just too cute. Eliza has entered into her fifth year of life, as i stand by and watch. She is thinking more and more lately. About how things work and why things are the way they are. Almost everything she sees she questions. My favorite thing is how she always has "a plan".
_____________________________________________

"eliza, please do not go out there without me."

"but mom, I planned to get my Barbie so that I could have her be the flower girl at the wedding."
______________________________________________

"Eliza, you need to have shoes on to go on that deck."

"Mom, now i will not get the van before reid. I was going to go out this way because it is closer, and not my plan is no good."
______________________________________________

Yes, she always has a plan... perhaps i should address her and her schedule in the mornings before i make the plans for our day? :)

Bootcamp Results

2009-08-02T22:13:00.000-05:00

Thought I would give you all a run down of some of the results from the last month of "Y Boot Camp".

Getting Stronger

I seem to be able to do a lot more physically. The training included run/walks, cardio intervals, spinning and kick boxing. The combination of all of these, seems to have heightened my endurance. I was able to do the required hovers in the spin class, and did not have to take as many breaks in the kick boxing. I also am not feeling as much pain in my lower legs when I am run/walking.

The free weights and machines are about the same. I am focusing on making sure that I have good form, and taking my time to work the muscles right. I have a lot more confidence when I am walking up to the weight area now too.

In The Closet

There have been numerous victories coming from my closet. The clothes I normally wear are feeling and looking better. I am able to fit into clothes that I bought, but had some lumps that I did not like. But I think the best feeling is this pair of purple striped pajama bottoms. I bought these shortly after I had Eliza. They fit ok, but a bit snug. Over the last five years, they have been becoming more and more and more snug, until it was to uncomfortable to wear them. I can now not only wear them, they are fitting better than they did when I first got them. Now that feels nice, like jammi bottoms should.

The Scales

Stupid scales. Why do we do this to ourselves? The torture of the up and downs of a woman's body weight are such a mind game. But of course, I have been playing it, and it is not all bad to see some results. I have lost 10 lbs since the end of June.

To date I have lost 35 lbs! This is in a course of about 4 months, which is incredible results in my book.

The Heart of The Matter

There are still many moments when I eat a handful of chocolate chips. Or eat subway when I should be cooking at home. Or the cheeseburger, or various other "cheats" that I know I should not be doing. I am learning that I can not allow myself to beat myself up over these cheats. At the same time, it is not OK, for me to abuse grace, and tell myself it is exceptable. Does this sound confusing to the rest of you? Well it does to me too, so I am just trying to trust in Christ, that he is teaching me to do right.

I know that there are other areas in my life that he is healing as well. Other issues of life that I was not always able to deal with, because I have a rather tender heart, I am now able to begin to address.

Being still is also a work of art that I have been working on. I must say, I have had some victorious moments as a result of acting on this gracious advice.

Overall, I feel that it was time, money and sweat well spent. I plan to continue to do as Diane, Dendra, Cathy and Marci have shown me. These are some awesome woman who dedicated a lot of time to me and my bootcamp teammates. I thank them all and look forward to ongoing relationships with each of them.

I am attaching a picture of a week of working out that I will be doing. You can see it better by clicking on the image itself. I think it is a good idea to have it written out in advance so that you know exactly what you are going to do, and know exactly how much time you will need to do it. Just FYI...

July Bootcamp!

2009-07-28T07:19:00.000-05:00

This last month I have been quite busy with school, festivities, and for two hours every morning Monday - Thursday, a little something the YMCA likes to call "Bootcamp".

I decided to take part in this mostly because I knew that I needed to have someone show me my way around the gym again. I also need to be pushed beyond my comfort level. This course has met both of these objectives!

Adding this to my already well defined diet, enabled me to lose eight pounds in the first week. I lost some major inches, dropping one full pant size, and a lot of my clothes are feeling a lot better.

The next two weeks were a major struggle. I had so many other things going on, that I was finding great excuses to stop for a burger, or a quick dinner at Casey's. Needless to say, I went up and down a few pounds these two weeks, but no real success or failures. The nutrionist that gave two lectures to our "bootcamp" group stated it well, when he said, "A relapse is not a failure." Those seemed to be pretty big words for me, as I seem to judge myself on a pass/fail scale.

I was also struggling with my emotions. If you have ever watched the show "The Biggest Loser" you might have seen people break down and cry. I always wondered what that was all about, but now I have a better idea.

Last Wednesday during cycling class, we were doing sprints. This is where you go full fource for 25 seconds and then 35 seconds off. You do this for a total of eight minutes. This was our second round of sprints, after some uphilling and hovering. I have not developed all of the needed muscles for cycling yet, so it is all a challenge for me. For some reason, after about the fourth sprint of that round, i just threw my towel over my head, and my body started to just weep. I do not recall thinking of anything sad, or evening feeling like I was "crying". It was just a flow of tears, that seemed to be releasing a build up of tension from my brain.

This last weekend, was definitly not great, as I continued to struggle with staying disciplined with my diet. Then yesterday morning, while reading the word, I was given motivation to refocus my eyes back where they should be, and remember that it is not just about what "i want" to be doing, it is about healing and transforming myself from the inside out, as an act of obedience to my Lord! A call to live a life worthy of him and all that he has planned for me. And to be able to be around, and in good condition to do so. To make my body a living sacrifice. To not be a glutton, or sluggard, because those things are not holy, and he is calling me to be holy. So, do i really need any other reasons to die to my own desires for the Mc D's cheeseburger, and live the life he has shown me to live? HMM!?!?!?!?

2009-06-17T22:54:00.001-05:00

Week Ten - A Noticeable Difference

2009-06-05T08:32:00.000-05:00

We are wrapping up week ten of our new eating habits. Ten weeks seems like a short amount of time when looking at the big picture, but it has been enough to make some noticeable differences in our health, our attitude, our tastebuds and my heart.

Our Health

When we started this I was about 15 lbs heavier.
When we started this I could not run/jog for more than a minute, last night I made it four.
When we started this Eliza was having stomach cramping a few times every day, and the doctors were ready to put her on a prescription. She is not on it, and the stomach pains are GONE!

Our Attitude

When we started this I was ready to give up on ever being able to shed the extra weight.
When we started this I felt hopeless about surrendering my food addiction to my Lord.
When we started this Eliza would not eat salad. She eats it almost daily now (even though she is still not a fan.)
When we started this we did not pay attention to what we were consuming, now we read the back of the label even for the gum we buy. (which all of it is garbage.)

Our Tastebuds

When we started this Eliza would not eat Veggie Pasta soup. It is now one of her favorties.
When we started this, I could not get enough sugar. Last night I got my old Starbuck's favorite Chai Frappachino and could not finish half of it. WAY TO SUGARY!
When we started this, I could taste the Kefirness in the Kefir. Now it is a normal flavor in our home.

My Heart

When I started this, I was still holding back a part of me, not willing to let it be opened to healing.
When I started this, I was still convinced that I was going to be the one to fix the emptiness I have been trying to fill.

When I started this it was ten weeks ago. There have been good weeks, where my will was rockin. And a few weeks where there was no will, no power, just a pray that I could make it through and not throw in the towel completely. A deep yearning to continue to be changed and transformed from the inside out.

This Week

2009-04-27T22:54:00.001-05:00

We are currently going into week five, and it is getting rough. I think it is a combination of plateauing, PMSing and stress. Tonight was awful!!! And last week left a lot to be desired. Worse yet, this weekend we are going out of town. So, if you pray, please send a shot out for me!

Tomorrow I am going to just get right back on track! Right! Right? RIGHT!!!

Eliza is still doing great! I think I finally have the backing of some of her other caregivers. I tried to keep it simple, and still allow them to spoil her sweet tooth a little. But I think they understand what I am trying to do for us, and plan to help rather than undo the hard work that we are doing.

While She Is Sleeping....

2009-04-17T00:03:00.001-05:00

I have been watching her lately. The little lady in my world. Things have slowly been changing. She is maturing.

On Easter we went to church as usual, only this week it was Easter Sunday. There was to be an Easter Egg hunt, and the preparations happened before we arrived. This meant that Eliza would have to carry her basket around, with hundreds of eggs all around her, and not pick any up for an hour. Talk about taunting of a four year old.

Well she made it through the hour, stopping every once in a while to fix a broken egg that was on the floor. (she did not sneak any candy either...a saint?!?!) Then it was time. A pastor told the kids they could begin, but only pick up 12 eggs. Well, Eliza counted very carefully, as she put only the large eggs in her basket. :)

The children were then given free rein to get more eggs and they were off, finding the some 600 eggs that had been placed out for them. At the end, they had to empty the candy out of the plastic eggs, keeping it in their baskets. It was at this time that some visiting children arrived. Some other members of the church re hide some eggs, and then Eliza went up and said "I will share my candy" and started handing them handfuls. ***** I cried! ******

Later that day, I was telling my mother, and she said, "HUH, I have been praying for her all week. This week it is kindness."

Apparently she purchased a book called "While They Were Sleeping" by Anne Arkins and Gary Harrell that she is using as an outline to pray for her grandchildren. Easter was a wonderful time to be reminded that God answers prayers, and more importantly that I need to be more obedient and disciplined about praying for my daughter.

Well I have dug out the copy of the book my mother got me a while ago, and think it is time I engage in it as well.

And on a side note, Eliza was told she could eat all the candy that she wanted while at Great Grandma's and then we would leave it there and she was done. She hardly ate any... that is discernment. Praise the Lord!

Week Two

2009-04-14T11:18:00.000-05:00

Week two presented it's own challenge with Easter, but I thought that it went well overall. We stuck with our menu, and enjoyed nachos, home made nuggets, a DELICIOUS roasted chicken among other things.

The roasted chicken was probably what rocked my world the most. Not just because of the taste, but because of how much meat was left after we were both satisfied. At first I thought the price of an organic chicken was out of the question, but out of obedience, I did it! And let me tell you it more than paid off. Since then we have made the homemade nuggets, BBQ chicken Pizza, and had leftover chicken. We still have enough for at least one more chicken and rice casserole. That is four to five delicious meals out of one bird.

I am learning to make better and better choices with the menu, as I stated, the menu is key. I think that sticking to the menu is what is helping the weight fall off. Only two weeks, and I am in double digit lose.

One thing we have found that we do not care for is the organic yogurt. Give it a try, but i would have to say that it has a sort of "sticky cheese" after taste. not sure if i am going to be able to hang?!?!

With Easter dinner we both had a good helping of all the sides, but were able to resist the ham. Pork is another thing we are trying to get out of our diets, though that ham looked amazing! So many other good things to eat, that it was not hard to resist.

Eliza did get her fill of candy. I told her that she would be able to eat all that she wanted, and it was crazy, she did not eat that much. The candy was left at Great Grandma's house, since I know that in a moment of weakness, the basket would get half emptied. As my friend says, know when to have the control. For me, it is keeping the temptations out of my home to begin with.

Week One

2009-04-08T22:37:00.000-05:00

The first week went quit well. I wanted to start by eatting the foods that we already had in the house. This made for some dinners that had more processed foods than what we are going for, but it was wise all the same, to use up what we had.

Menu planning seems to be key, as even with the "not as healthy" meals that were on the menu, I managed to lose some weight.

Exercising is becoming a nice part of the routine. I am still only making it twice a week, but when I am there, I enjoy the exercise I am doing. Yesterday I made it a full half an hour on the treadmill, with a total of five - one minute runs at 5.2% It might not sound like much to some, but it is a huge difference to me.

My first shopping experience at the Hy-Vee health market went well also. There were a few things that were very pricey, some I got, others I did not. But i did manage to stay in my budget for the week, and got a lot of great meals that we are eatting this week.

I did notice today when i made Rice Krispie treats to take to school, if it is sweet and in my house....I am going to eat it. As my friend says.."the will power needs to happen at the store." Amazing wisdom there!

Getting the Notion

2009-04-01T14:48:00.000-05:00

It has been apparent to me for some time that my eatting and overall health practices were not what they needed to be. I had made a few half-baked attempts at trying to live a healthy lifestyle, but lack the consistancy to see any progress on the outside.

As for feeding my daughter, i thought that i was doing an OK job. She ate 1-2 servings of vegetables a day (from a can usually) and plenty of "meat" products. A glass of milk with every meal and even an occasional fresh fruit.

It wasn't until about a month ago i woke up and realized that a change needed to be made for the long term health of both my daughter and I. Not just a good idea, but now a necessity! You see, Eliza had been complaining about chronic stomach pain, and because of the gerd she had as an infant, the doctors prescribed her Zantac, an acid relex medicine. I understand these medicines are here for a reason, but would prefer it to be the very last result, rather than the first choice.

Using the resources of some well knowledge friends, and my own internet research, I hope to begin anew. Giving Eliza and I the diets that we need to heal our bodies from the insdie out, all along creating habits to last us both the rest of our lives.

stay tuned.....

Cousin Kristyn

2009-01-15T12:40:00.000-06:00

Eliza has a new best friend. And i have a new neice. Her name is Kristyn and she is an 18 year old Senior. She was "adopted" into our family through my sister and her husband. They knew her originally as one of the students they serve through their church youth group. A need in her life came up and they were able to welcome her into their home and all of our lives.
She and eliza hit it off from the start. When they are together, Kristyn is so great at coming down to Eliza's level and loving her as a four year old princes. Being a princess herself, she has even been able to dress up, tiara and all with eliza.
I praise God for her coming into our lives and will continue to pray that she is a great mentor to Eliza.

Many blesses to my niece, our sister friend, Kristyn.

The Waiting Game

2009-01-15T09:18:00.000-06:00

I am not what one would consider to be a patient person. Latly, this is a character that the Lord is sharpening in me, and I would have to say that it is really trying. (DUH right).

First there is this school thing. I want the teaching degree, and believe that the Lord has given me everything that I need to obtain it, but this semester beginning just reminds me of how much hard work this is going to be. And how long i am going to have to wait until I see the fruit of my labor.

Now, it has been decided that Eliza will be attending ICA, a private school in West Des Moines. This is such a blessing in so many ways, and I am so excited for Eliza. But it does not start until next fall.

OK, now I am the type of person who is all about results. I want to get things done...NOW. But as you can see there are so amny details in life that I am having to sit and wait on, and it is driving me a bit nuts.

I know that deferred gratification is a good thing, and that it yeilds much more in life than instant gratification. But I can also tell you that my brain is tender from having to slam on the brakes of my brain so many times a day.

Be still my soul. Wait and see what the Lord is doing. Rest on the words your Lord have written in you heart.

Psalms 27:13&14

13 I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.

14 Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

Annual letter 2008

2008-12-13T19:28:00.000-06:00

___________________________________________________________________________________
Dear Friends and Family,

Last year I started the letter talking about the ability to, and understanding of, making a commitment. I decided I would try to set commitments for myself rather than goals that always seem to be too easily forgotten. And so began 2008.

It seemed a bit ironic to me that in the midst of a commitment, so much change was needed. I mean think about it. With commitment you think of remaining steadfast, not necessarily something I would relate with change. But there it is, in order to reach and maintain being steadfast in a commitment, there is an inevitable cause of change that takes place.

My first and main commitment was to learn how to slow down. The leading cause of anxiety in children this day and age is the “hurry” factor, and I was tired of always rushing Eliza and myself out of the house to go here and there.

On top of that, I started to do some math and realized that I only had 2 ½ years until she started kindergarten, after that she would be on to her own busy schedule. Time just goes by too fast. I had just this little window of time to show her that there was another way to live, a slower way. So I started praying that God provide me a miracle so that I could spend the next two years with Eliza, before she started school.

I spent the beginning part of the year dabbling in some self sales, and other stay at home opportunities, to no avail. In the meantime, I had moved Eliza to a Southside preschool, La Petite where her cousin Reid had gone. She was enjoying it, and learned a lot in her time there.

Then one Sunday changed everything. It was a combination of a couple of things that God used to move me to another commitment, one that would lend itself to the “slow it down” theme of the year. The morning of May 18th started with a communion brunch at my church home. It was the first one that we were doing, and that was exciting enough. In the midst of the brunch potluck, a friend, Eric, got up to talk about some things that God was doing in his life. In his talk he used an illustration of an Indiana Jones movie, where in order to get to the prize, he had to walk over a bridge that was not visible. He had to step out in faith BEFORE his path would be revealed. HMMM!?!?!

Later that day, I took my nephew Reid to see the Narnia movie, Prince Caspian. It moved me just as much as the first one, leaving me with two messages. First, that we need to keep our eyes and hearts on Christ, and second that the battle is not ours, and we will not be victorious without Christ, the real hero of our lives. By that evening, I was not sure what to think, but was ready and willing to listen.

It was not until the next morning that I would be given an answer. I was to quit my job in August and start an in home daycare. I was so excited, because I knew that God was answering my prayer, and going to make it possible for me to be with Eliza for a time before she went to school, but I was not all that thrilled with the means. Do not get me wrong, I LOVE kids. LOVE! LOVE! LOVE them! I was just skeptical of the consistency and other factors that come into play with running an in home daycare. Nevertheless, I got started at once preparing the way.

It wasn’t until late June, just before our annual trip to Minnesota, that I finally got excited. By that time I had taken, or was signed up for all of the courses I needed to take to become certified. I had also worked hard on readjusting my lifestyle and budget, getting rid of cable and some debt.

Eliza was able to move to an in home daycare close to my work for the summer. This allowed us to be able to take the bus. That was such a fun adventure, and we both enjoyed getting to spend the extra time together. Once the bus got us to West Des Moines we would walk a half mile to the home. Then my mother would pick me up on her way to work and take me the rest of the way.

Our trip to Minnesota was great, but too short as usual. On the way home Eliza stated how she wanted so badly to be able to stay up there longer, I told her I shared her feelings, as there is little I find more relaxing than a northern Minnesota summer. It was at this time, I remembered that the next UNI 2+2 cohort was starting in JAN 2009. This is a program where UNI and DMACC have come together to allow people who are place bound to get their teaching degree from UNI.

Later that week I went to the DMACC campus and found I was sitting in a great position to make it happen, and so I committed myself to going back to school full time. I felt that now that I was with Eliza all day, (or going to be once school started) a few nights and weekends were doable.

So then I came to the hard part, leaving a job that I loved. A job that had provided for me financially, and so much more. The people at INS are like family, and I quite literally had grown up with a lot of them. It made me feel so grown up to think that this was going to be the hard part, as I remember many times in my life quitting a job resembled an attitude more like the last day of school before a break. 

Once the notice was given, it was a crazy three weeks of training, which I was so thankful to be able to have a chance to do. I had spent a lot of my time as Supervisor making sure things were documented, but spent a great deal of the summer getting it all together and in good order for others. It was still hard to leave so many friends and mentors.

Alas, it was done, and I moved quickly into the new role of full time student, homemaker, mom and in home daycare provider. I was a bit surprised at the emotions that came with the first few weeks. As I recall, I felt over blessed, and not sure if I was worthy of having such a miracle happen in my life. I remember feeling the same way when I was pregnant with Eliza. I finally realized it was real, and was able to focus my eyes where they needed to be.

I am still trying to just take one day at a time, but I can still say that I feel overly blessed. Our lives have slowed down a great deal and now I am being lead to other things in my life that need some fixing. I hope to be able to give you some victorious news on that in my next annual letter.

A few other things worth mentioning would be first of all, the role that I was able to play in a VBS program. The program was based at Evelyn Davis Park on Forest. This is a park that is known for more criminal and other activities, but for one week I got to join with a group of people and tell and show these kids about Jesus. It was quite humbling and went too fast, but I got to meet some great kids, and other people, including my friend Mariah, who does an amazing job with these kids on a weekly basis. I am still hoping to do more work like this in the future, we will see what happens.

Eliza also got to start dance and tumbling at Amy Peel’s Dance Avenue. This is where her cousin Reid has been learning dance and tumbling for 8 years now. (WOW!) She started in the fall and loves that her Uncle Ed picks her up every week. It is a fun time for them together. Her other favorite things to do are spend the night with grandparents, which she does every Friday right now because mommy has school, and spend the night at the farm where my sister and her family moved to last year. Her crafts continue to amaze me as well as her love for playing dress-up. What a great imagination. She has also been blessed with constant friends in her life whom she loves to play with like Payton, Chivon, Sam, Reagan, and her newest friend from Chicago, Stone. There are many others that she has meet more recently, and some she hasn’t met yet.

It has been an amazing year, and so many of you have played a roll in that. I am very eager to see what else is in store as I follow the commitments that have been given to me. It reminds me of a verse I have focused on since becoming a mom, “"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength,” Isaiah 30:15

Have a blessed year! ~ The Fitch Girls ~ check us out on the web ~ http://thefitchgirls.blogspot.com/

Taste and see...

2008-10-16T11:47:00.000-05:00

...that the lord is good." those are lyrics to a lovely song of worship. I hear this in my thoughts as i allow my mind to linger to the changes that are already visible in me and my daughter since the Lord began leading us down a different path.

Ironically, one of the largest changes that i have seen in eliza is her sense of taste. In the last month she has started to eat....

grapes
pineapple
spaghetti O's
broccoli
rice
real (not processed) chicken
add much less sugar....

I am so thankful that she is starting to have a more healthy menu, and i am hopeful that it will aid in hyperactivity. Time will tell.

the gentle side of me....

2008-10-03T10:23:00.000-05:00

For those of you who know me well, i am sure there are times that i may have reminded you of Elaine from Seinfield. i am not what you would consider a gentle person. This is actually something that has been a huge struggle in my life.

It states in the word (1 Peter 3:4)that a gentle and quiet spirit, of a woman, is pleasing to the Lord. Well no matter how hard i try i can not seem to get that spirit going within me. I am quite simply not that woman, and for a long time (sometimes still struggle with the lingering thought) that this makes me less of a woman after God's heart. Less of a servant to him, less able to be able to serve for him.

Lately i have been talking with God and telling him, you made me this way, right? you know that I am not "a gentle and quiet spirit". No, i am more like a hawk than a hummingbird, and you know this. So why I am asked to be something that i am not? Do i just be me and hope that my life and personality can bring you glory in some way?

I do also know that he wants us to be transformed. (Romans 12) That we are to allow Christ to come through us, and Christ had a very gentle and quiet spirit. And yet, he was not the passive character that i have in mind when i think of who i have been longing to be in order to better please my Lord. So where is the harmony? Where do i need to sit down and shut up, and where do i need to use my gift (not being scared to look like a fool) to bring God glory? It is a tough call, and one that i will probably be in constant prayer about.

I can say this, slowing my life down has seemed to bring out a more gentle side of me. Before i had so many things going on all the time (still am pretty busy) and i was so easily distracted. i did not seem to be able to stay in the constant prayer that i needed to be in. Not that i can all the time now, but it is seeming to be more simple. And my mood seems to be more relaxed which equals a more gentle and more quiet spirit. It reminds me of what I was lead to four years ago. "This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength,...." Isaiah 30:15.

Settling in...

2008-09-15T14:01:00.001-05:00

Ok, so by the end of last week I was a ball of nerves. I was just not sure what to do with myself. I did not know where to start. Well you know what Julie Andrews says..."Let's start at the very beginning...a very good place to start." So that is where I am.

I of course then was not sure of where the beginning was. To be honest, I know I am where God wants me to be. It is an amazing and humbling place to be though. I want to make sure that I take advantage of every moment that i have been given.

Last week I found myself paralyzed by fear. Fear that if i made one wrong mistake, i was going to fall flat on my face. like, ok you have made it to the big times now sister, make sure you are found worthy, or it is to Hates with you!

I know that is not the God that I serve though, I serve one who comes along side of me, and breathes his life into me. I know that i need him to pull this off, that truth is not changing. But I have been given the vision of what i need to do. i will not do it as perfectly as I am sure Mary Poppins would have, but by the grace of GOD this will prove to be life changing for me and eliza.

So, I have started where i always start...the closets. :) They are really clean now, infact the 95% of the main level of my house is finally settled. (After living here well over a year). My basement however....well that will be for Tomorrow and Wed...:)

AWWWW...i think i am going to like it here.....

I just love rainbows.....

2008-09-13T22:39:00.000-05:00

Rainbows are so beautiful! They were of course first introduced in my life as God's promise, found in the story of Noah. They have since taken on different meaning to many others, but they still have this sacred meaning to me, in my life. I can recall times when i was destraught, and unsure of myself and everything in my life, and no joke, i would look and there i would see rainbows. OK sometimes just Sun Dawgs i think they are called, but a reminder to me none the less of God's promise to me. This is why I love prisms, and opals. They reflect and hold within them that rainbow. Constant reminders of how faithful HE is......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHFK94QH5sU

Little Girls.....

2008-09-11T13:41:00.000-05:00

Eliza and her best friend Peyton, doing what little girls do best!

got soy milk?

2008-09-11T13:22:00.000-05:00

Today I woke up and did not know what to do with myself. i found myself spinning in circles. So, I went to the mall. Of course now that i am on a very limited budget it was mostly just looking around and then talking myself out of making the purchase.

I did however find my newest pair of favorite lounge pants, black with lace trim, and eliza found a "little miss sunshine" mouse pad to use for her computer down stairs. I then got some reading done as she got to run crazy in the play area. Of course then the sun came out and I was not sure why we were inside???

Regardless, we then proceeded to go to a clothing store where I once again talked myself out of any and all purchases. Leaving the mall we stopped by Aldi's. I am not sure how many of you have an Aldi's where you live, but they are grocery stores where you can get foods at a lower cost. Most of the time. It used to be a lot of not good for you food, but now they have a line called Fit & Active that they sell. The selection is better than I thought it would be. I ended up getting some soy milk, regular and vanilla flavored. I did not know that soy milk was also gluten free? this is one thing that I am learning is good to limit in yoru diet.

Then in the store Eliza stopped me to tell me that she was so happy to be able to spend the days with me now. She told me that she always missed me so much when she was away from me all day. What a sweet thing to tell me.

So in my aimless wondering, I was giving confirmation of the choice made to stay home, and was lead to a healther selection for my daughter and I. This one moment at a time, following God thing is a bit mentally draining, but pretty cool. Now we will see what we think of the milk..... :)

Stepping out...the decision

2008-09-10T13:16:00.000-05:00

Most of you know that i recently quite my very good corporate job to stay at home with my daughter, and go back to school full time to become a teacher. But most of you do not know, just how amazing of a journey it has been for me.

The decision has actually took sometime to come around. I will start at the beginning. It actually goes back to before I was pregnant. I was in Bayard, IA and not in a great place in my life. I knew I wanted to go back to school, but knew that I had some healing to do as well. I did go up to the Carroll DMACC campus and dreamed a bit though, and that is when I first found out about the UNI 2+2 program. At that time the Carroll campus was the only campus that offered it. Well like I said, I knew it was not the time and a few months later, I was pregnant, and had no idea what I was going to do.

I moved back to Des Moines with family and started working at a local restaurant right away, knowing that I was going to need some money to raise my child. Then when I was 6 months pregnant I got the job at INS. It was a good job and I was able to provide for my daughter, so I stayed. I loved it there, and I still do. I was also pretty good at what I did and learned SOOOO much about telephony in the last four years. I still say if I was going to go corporate, that is where I would want to be. But none the less this was not my hearts desire. To be honest, I had forgotten over the last few years what that dream was.

So now we will fast forward to a year ago. I could not resist any longer, I knew I needed to be back at school. So I enrolled at DMACC for one course, Creative Writing. It was GREAT! BUT, I could not stand being away from Eliza even one night a week. I just was too much after being away from her all day every day. This was also the time that a sisterfriend of mine was telling me about the UNI 2+2 that was now being offered in the Des Moines area. I guess that ever other year in Jan they start. Odd years only. So it was JAN09 that the next cohort would start. Well, knowing that I could not be away from Eliza anymore I dismissed it.

Last December I would say was when my thoughts were rocked and I was forced to question and reevaluate my life. I realize that although INS was a great job, it was not my life. God is my provider not them, and he can provide for me in other ways. So I started praying for him to show me a way. A way to stay at home with my daughter and be the mom he called me to be, before a career woman. We wrestled all the rest of the winter, right on into spring about different ways that I could supplement income to be able to stay at home with Eliza.

Then one Sunday, a Christian brother of mine was giving a testimony. He talked about stepping out in faith before we see the road clearly. Then I went that afternoon to see Narnia, where I was reminded to keep my eyes on Jesus. He is always there, and it is his battle to fight, not mine. Talk about a powerful Sunday. I felt the spirit all around me and I could not silence it (like who would want to right). The next morning I awoke VERY early and it was confirmed that I would quit my job in August and do in home daycare. (which was not my first choice)

I was sure that this was the most stupid thing I had ever done. (that could be easily argued) But as it was said that Sunday, I needed to step out before the bridge would appear. So in June I took classes and studied up on how to be a registered in home provider. I do not think I got excited about it until late in June. Still was not sure this is what I should be doing.

School did not actually enter the picture until after the fourth of July. That is when I was reminded of my dream, and reminded there was the program starting in 2009. J God is so good. Just as he promised, once I stepped out in faith, he revealed himself to me. Love that Lord I serve!

wow, who said that????

2008-09-09T13:30:00.000-05:00

The restoration of eliza and myself has begun. it is already amazing to see what happens when you turn things over to God. Sometimes, he moves slow and we are asked to perservere. other times, we are remolded and reshaped the moment we let go.

For me there are deep hurts, and false ideas that i have of god that he is wanting me to relearn. It is hard to do this for a few reasons....

1. sometimes you do not even know that you are thinking the wrong thing. i mean if you are to ask me if i think is God a loving and merciful god, I would say...YES with out a doubt. HANDS DOWN!!! but do my actions and the random thoughts (that I am called to take captive) show that this is what I think, or are they revealing something else all together?

2. once you realize that you do not think the truth, but rather you have taken the false thought captive and made it true according to what you have learned in Christ, how do you then make that your first thought. Well, i do not know? how is that for prophetic!

I do know this, right now, God and i are having some deep talks. I am crying a lot and I am yelling a lot. I am defending myself about things that I have not thought about in years. I am screaming about things, that i am still not sure i should be yelling at god for. but he tells me he wants to clean me out, so i suppose he knew what he was going to get. right?!?!?

In the end, i am finding that he is a merciful god. This is the truth that i thought i knew...but i am not so sure that i did. i always seem to be waiting and looking over my shoulder for the ball to drop.

I think back to when as a youth i stopped believeing that God even existed. I remember thinking of the only two christians I really knew intimately. My grandpa, who died when i was 9 and my mom, who always had to deal with so much crap. I guess when i took role call and made a judgement at the ripe old age of 12, i did not see a merciful god. I saw that when you loved god, you died, or cried. Who would blame me for not wanting that?

well there it is, my truth, out there for everyone to read, but now what do i do with that? how do i stop thinking these wrong thoughts? I suppose I will have to stop, look and listen, and allow my merciful god to show me.....

Hooplah!!!

2008-09-08T13:27:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I think that it has so much of the joy and good will of Christmas with out all the hooplah. Yet, there is a part of me who is very intrigued with the hooplah. So over the years, i have come to enjoy the entire season, from about November 20th all the way through the New Year. The songs, the smells, the people that I am surrounded with. All the hooplah.

One thing that has been a very large protest of mine would be Santa. Poor old man, he did nothing really to earn number one on "Catherine's Most Dislike Figures" list. He is just so friggin jolly, and what for. Does he know that he is stealing all the limelight from my most favorite figure ever? Not sure? But the fact is that he is, and this has bothered me so much over the years, that I have banned gettign to know anything about him. I refused though the years to even watch the Season's claymation special of "Here Come's Santa Claus" I think that is the title of it? This movie is a fun loving story of how Chris Cringle came to be.

Well this last year, I broke down and watched it, and it was not bad. I mean it is just another Christmas movie. And he is just a man. It is not like he is my Lord. Now his story is really amazing. :) Back to my subject though, there is a song on there that has actually been very helpful to me. It is called "Put one foot in front of the other" (sorry to put that in your head if you know it) I love this song, and even the beat will help me to do just what it suggests, put one foot in front of the other.

That is where I am right now. It is odd trying to get used to being home. I am having to jus tput one foot in front of the other. It is fun though, just being able to keep my eyes on my Lord. I know I am called to do that all the time, but it is harder to do when you have a laundry list due everyday, and many people asking for it, all at once. I am amazed at people who are able to illuminate Christ at the work place on a daily basis. it is my fear that I failed in many ways.

Regardless, I am here now. Ready to lean on my Lord and grow in his love. And if I have to use a song sung by Chris Cringle to remind me, so be it. :)

what to do? where to begin?

2008-09-07T15:23:00.001-05:00

It is sunday. Usually on Sunday we come home church, have some quiet time and get ready to be gone from home for the majority of the next five days.

Well....I will be home tomorrow, and the next day. I keep looking around at all the things that i could do, and i have no idea where to begin? How do I prioritize? What should be the main focus.

Thank goodness I have a couple of weeks to figure this out. I am felling a bit overwhelmed right now. Who would have thought staying home would be so mind blowing?

"Psalms 49:10"

Testing...Testing...1,2,3....

2008-09-02T13:58:00.000-05:00

Today we tested out what it was going to be like for Eliza and I getting to hang out together all day. We started with mommy cleaning up the kitchen, eating breakfast together and then both of us washing up and brushing our teeth.
Eliza then played dress up while mommy put away clean laundry from the night before.
Then we had to go to the bank. On the way home we moozied over to Gray's lake were we took an hour and a half walk/bike ride around the lake. Eliza did so much better than I thought she would, she made it nearly all the way around the 2 mile trail pedalling her little legs off. it wasn't until we were close tot eh end, and she was scared at not being able to stop going down a small hill. Yeah, she was doen after that. mommy was proud (and releaved) that she made it as far as she did. Left me with only a quarter of a mile to carry the bike. :)
We then follwed it with a lite lunch and home where Eliza had soem quiet time while mom finished her paper that is due this evening.
HMMMM.. I think I might like this new life. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.....

just the way you are....

2008-07-22T20:51:00.000-05:00

Aw parenthood. It can be such an interesting thing.

This morning as my daughter and i were waiting downtown for our transfer out to suburbia where i work, she points and says, "Mom theres your friend."
"Who, that guy there? i don't know him." I reply
"Well he has a big belly and a big butt?!?!" she plees
"So that means we are friends?" me
" Well yeah." her
"Why? Because I have a big belly and a big butt too?" me
" Well yeah." her
"My dear, that does not mean that we are friends. And although what you are saying is true, it is hurtful and you should not say that to people." me
"oh. ok." her
"Maybe mommy should think about loosing her big belly and big butt." me
"NO, i like it." she says with sincerity.

I could not help but laugh. Only children (and God) can see you just how you are, and love you unconditionally all the same. God bless em.....

Water....

2008-06-07T22:45:00.000-05:00

Has anyone else been dealing with water in their basement. from what i have heard iam not alone. it is actually coming right through my wall in my basement. the ground has just had too much.

luckily i had spent the last year, mainly the last month or so trying to get as much of my stuff gone through and either put in plastic tubs, or taking away, so i did not have much ruined, or that had to be removed. just the water....again....and again...and again.....etc.

hope all of you are doing ok.....

Monday night....

2008-06-02T20:54:00.000-05:00

WOW, what a day. work is going.... i surely can not complain, i do atleast like what i do. i think i am just the type to get into a rut easily. i am becoming more like those people who can set their furniture in one placement and leave it that way for more than a year, but have not always been that way.
it's funny. there are those people in my life who think they "know" me. i find that interesting, since i am constantly shocking myself. it actually seems like there are new parts of me that are revealed atleast weekly. some of these are in bold contrast to what i know myself to be, but i suppose this is natural progression in a transformation.
still there are those parts of me that have remained from the day of birth. hmm, wonder if he will strip these things from me too, recreate, remold....
or are somethings us from beginning to end?
The babe is in her room singing along to the Celtic Psalms that are playing on the system. Lovely....

I hear ya...

2008-05-19T21:15:00.000-05:00

so there are those moments in our life when it feels as though God is whispering. we are searching for an answer to a question and it seems that there is no answer in sight. well yesterday was not one of those days for me.

it was more of a "if you build it, they will come" kind of day . the thing with those kinds of days is that:
1. what are you supposed to build, and why?
2. how are you suppsed to build it, and why?
3. what will happen once it is built....and why? :)

i suppose this is where you have to put faith into action, and just build it.

a peaceful walk....

2008-05-09T17:51:00.000-05:00

so i am sitting here at my computer, enjoying this lovely spring evening, and it is interupted by the sounds of sirens coming closer and closer. Finally, now sounding like they are right out side of my home, the sirens come to an abrupt stop. i look around and see nothing. no action at all.
this sort of thing seems to be very common in this neighborhood. honestly the block itself is very quiet, serene and rather 'leave it to beaver" like. But we are only one block away from a main road, that connects to a highway. So chaos is just around the corner.
it kind of reminds me of what walking with Christ is like in a way. inside myself i feel safe, secure, serene, but when i look and listen around me, the world is not really like that at all. it is chaos. thank the Lord for his peace.

vertigo....

2008-05-09T17:46:00.000-05:00

it has started again. the light headed, almost passing out. the doctor says that it is a case of vertigo that is brought on by an infection in the lower ear that is probably being caused by allergies.
last year was the first time in my life that allergies ever presented themselves as a problem, so i am not sure how to deal with them. i am very sensitive to medicines also, so it is hard to find something that releaves my symptoms without bringing about other ailments.
i am not sure how i feel about this whole allergies thing....

a garden....

2008-05-06T20:32:00.000-05:00

i am actually quite a big fan of gray days. to me they are so soothing. But this year, for some reason this nice weather is just getting me. i try my best to get out in it as much as possible. now to assist in these efforts, I have decided to plant a garden. Just some landscaping. I have ordered some hydrangeas, hostas, viola rebecca's and some lavendar. we will have to wait and see how i do with these before i invest anymore.

go jenni....

2008-05-03T20:41:00.000-05:00

this morning i was invited to attend a women's tea (yes, I went to a women's tea???), but i went because a girl name jenni was graduating from the Hope family ministries single mom's program. A year and a half ago i was lucky enough to be a part of decorating her room. It was really exciting to me because at the time i was a young mom, on my own, (still am)and if it wasn't for me having a great family, i knew that i would have probably been in a similar situation. i feel that it is important to have a place all to yourself to run and escape to. A place of comfort. Well today she told my mother and i that her room was her sanctuary. And then i got to hear her tell of her story. i had never heard it before. It was great. I pray that she will continue to look to the Lord for guidance. It is the clearest thing i have found....

kids these days....

2008-05-01T20:09:00.000-05:00

i am sitting here telling my three old daughter why she does not need a usb flash drive. crazy right. i think what is even more crazy is that she has some idea of what i am talking about....